Trust, positivity, and a shout out to my placement A school!

This post isn’t going to be a rant about lockdown. I’m hoping it will be a source of hope for those who are anxious about current circumstances, worried about what the future may hold or just want to read something positive.

All three lockdowns for me have been very different. Lockdown number 1 saw me packing up half of my University house in an hour whilst my Dad quickly drove to pick me up. I like to think I achieved a lot in the first lockdown. I finished my degree, stopped straightening my hair, applied for a Primary PGCE, got onto a Primary PGCE, and embarrassingly binged 14 seasons of Greys Anatomy. I also grew a lot spiritually. I started praying and reading my bible more. I had weekly core group meetings with Kez and Verity where we would chat, pray, study the Bible and encourage each other. Finally, I spent more time with family than I usually would as I was back home for the longest time in three years and spoke to extended family on Zoom every week.

Lockdown number two was a very different experience. I was on placement in a wonderful school with a class of 29 very lively 5-6 year olds and my evenings consisted of planning, university assignments and the occasional church or family zoom meeting. So ultimately, it didn’t really feel like we were in lockdown because I was still going into school every day and interacting with lots of wonderful people, and then I’d be so tired that I’d be in bed by 9:30! Big shout out to my flat mate Hannah who put up with me coming home and talking about placement when she’d been in online lectures all day, and then put up with being alone again due to my earlier bedtime.

Fast forward to now, lockdown three! I came back to Nottingham just before the lockdown announcement ready for three weeks of University and the start of my second placement on the 25th January. I still have 9-4:30 lectures everyday but have no idea what is happening regarding placement. I’m currently on my own in the flat but I’m extremely lucky to have people in Nottingham that I can meet up with for 1-2-1 (socially distanced) walks and who are looking out for me to make sure I’m ok. I had my first in person social interaction in 5 days today when I went for a walk with the wonderful Emma (my mentor on placement A) and I’m actually taking time this weekend to chill out after a hectic week of presentations and deadlines.

Whilst all of my lockdown experiences have been very different, one thing has been constant for me and that is God’s presence in the middle of it all. All three lockdowns have taught me to trust in God. In the first lockdown I had to trust that God had a plan for my life, I had to trust that if I was being called to be a primary school teacher, he would help me to get onto the course. When I did get onto the course, I had to trust that he would put me in a school that would help me to grow in confidence and convince me that I was doing the right thing. In fact, this was probably the thing I was most worried about. I’d heard so many bad stories about placements with horrible mentors and staff who didn’t bother talking to students and I got the complete opposite of this experience. I was placed with an amazing mentor who supported me, encouraged me, told me to take breaks every now and again, and helped to develop my confidence significantly. The rest of the staff were also extremely encouraging. This includes other year one teachers, learning mentors, and any other staff members I interacted with. They talked to me, gave great advice and made me feel like a part of the team the whole time I was there. I don’t think they realise how much of a positive impact they have had on me over the course of my placement and on my love of teaching. I hope if some of them happen to read this that they realise how awesome they are!

This leads onto my experience of trust in lockdown number 2. Like I said before, I was on placement so it didn’t really feel like a lockdown, but it still came with its own challenges. My anxiety levels increased significantly in the evenings after being in such close proximity to 29 children all day. I was less scared of getting the virus myself, and more scared that I would bring it into the school, take it home to Hannah, or that my time in the school would be cut short. I had to put even more trust in God that he would protect me, not necessarily from the virus, but from my own anxiety and the effect it would have on my placement experience and university work if I allowed it to get out of control. Again, my mentor and the rest of the staff were significantly helpful during this time, even if they didn’t know that this was how I was feeling. Just being supportive and as positive as possible in the circumstances was a massive help to my mental health.

Finally, onto lockdown three. I have no idea what is going to happen with my new placement now that schools have closed or what this will mean for me gaining QTS, but as I said, if 2020 taught me anything, it’s that I need to leave it up to God. I have to admit that this wasn’t my initial reaction when the third lockdown was announced and I definitely panicked a little, but I know that the situation is completely out of my hands and that I need to trust in God and believe that whatever happens, it is in his hands and he will help me through it.

I’m not really sure where I was going when I started this, but I really wanted to share something positive in the midst of so much negativity. I think its so easy to look back on 2020 and remember all the bad things that happened. If you find yourself doing this, I’d really encourage you to write a list of positive things (even if one of them is that you binged an embarrassing amount of Greys Anatomy).

Anyway, I hope my positive twist on an awful and stressful time has been encouraging for some people. I’m praying that everyone reading this is safe and well. I hope you are doing ok despite the circumstances and if anyone wants prayer for anything at all, whether you consider yourself to have a faith or not, please don’t hesitate to message me! Or if prayer isn’t your thing, I am always here to listen or have a chat. Stay safe everyone!